Parental Relationships!

This is why I'm the kind of mother I am today! ♥ I am the mother I always needed and I am the kind of parent I wish I had. My grandmother took excellent care of me from infancy but she always had to take care of everyone else too...still does...so her attention was forever divided. I thank God every day for women like my Aunt Tari and DiDi, without them helping my grandmother I'd have really been forgotten.

Plenty of mother figures have come and gone in my life, but the problem there is they tell you your like a daughter to them but end of the day your reminded that your not their daughter. I clung to anyone who showed me love and it hurt 10x over when that parental love subsided, as it usually always does.

Don't be mean and hurtful to your parents if they're good parents and supportive and present. Not all of us had that luxury. Some of us were castaways everyone else had to step in to raise. Some of us were the obligation no one really wanted but got stuck with so they made the best of it.

Sometimes being raised by the village isn't always a good thing. Sometimes that village just reminds you that your the scared sad little girl the world easily forgets about when you stop being necessary to their lives. Mother figures are great temporary stand-ins but they aren't crying with you during medical scares or holding your hand when your teenager goes through a crisis and makes you feel like the worst parent ever. They aren't showing up to take you shopping to get your mind off your worries or available to call at a moments notice to share your days frustrations or accomplishments. They show up for you and your kids temporarily but they're usually gone from your life as quickly as they entered. And while you felt like they loved you for a little while your left being reminded that you were temporary and now you've become irrelevant. Just like all the ones who came before and like all the ones who'll come after.

I am not a great mother, I lacked guidance....but I am doing everything I can to give my kids the best of myself and show them that they always and forever will be the center of my world. I get scolded for speaking my mind and hurting the feelings of the adults in my life. Look what holding my tongue has gotten me {nothing}. Maybe they should start being scolded for hurting the feelings of the child they selfishly and carelessly brought into this world and destroyed. Why should I always be the one biting my tongue and hiding my feelings to spare theirs. They not once in all my life  ever tried to spare my feelings or care for one second how much they hurt me every single day. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I don't need or want present supportive loving parents, but I've given up on that dream a long time ago and I learned the painful way how temporary stand-ins can hurt you as much as the parents who cast you aside your entire life.

I will never be that parent and I will never hurt my children the way I've been hurt my whole life. Yes, I'm an emotional nightmare most people can't handle or don't want to be bothered with anymore. But at least now you'll know a little bit about why and how and maybe understand that not every person you meet is this way because they choose to be. Some of us are the product of really bad decisions and years of emotional abuse you only hear about and should feel truly blessed you never had to live through. Hug your parents, your luckier and richer than you'll ever know.

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